Dispatch № 1

The First Absurdity

This is the template for every dispatch. The voice goes here: sharp, funny, and footnoted within an inch of its life.

Open with the absurdity itself — the thing said in public, by a person with a title, that would not survive contact with its own record.¹ State it plainly. Do not editorialize yet; the reader should feel the gap before you name it.

Then produce the record. What was said on the floor, what was filed with the clerk, what the vote actually was.² The rule of the house style: the joke is never invented — the joke is retrieved. Reality writes better material than we do; our job is filing.

Close with the goodwill accounting. Who hoped, who was told what, and what that hope was traded for.³ Never contempt for the hopeful — the hopeful are the client. Contempt is reserved, in full, for the farmers.